How To Go On In A World Full Of Cruelty

One of the most common questions I get asked tends to go something like, “How do you go on? How do you keep looking at all the cruelty in this world and writing about it every day? Don’t you ever get overwhelmed? Don’t you ever want to give up in despair? What keeps you going, day after day?”

And the truth is the ugliness does overwhelm me sometimes. The first really graphic image I saw of a child’s body ripped apart in Gaza last year stopped me dead in my tracks. I just went limp and crumbled onto the couch and didn’t move for hours.

And I do quit sometimes. I quit hard. I quit with everything I’ve got. Sometimes things look very dark and I cast my laptop aside and say “That’s it, no more, I quit” with every fiber of my being and go lie down. I give myself over to the feelings and to the overwhelm and the despair, and I quit.

I quit struggling, I surrender fully to the feelings, and I let them say everything they want to say without interruption or mitigation. And then when they’ve had their say and gone quiet, I get up, and I pick up my laptop, and I get back to work.

That’s really it. I don’t have any special stories in my head that give me hope. I don’t think about the bright spots of goodness in this world or the heroic actions of noble individuals to motivate me. I don’t read the works of great thinkers or listen to the words of great speakers to reignite the spark. I just feel it all, all the way through, and go on.

It’s not hope that keeps me going, it’s love. Love for this beautiful planet and all the weird little critters scuttling around on it, especially the fingery ape monsters walking about on their hind legs making mouth noises about their mind noises. I love this whole chaotic wondermess so very, very much, and I want it to keep going.

It really is so insanely beautiful. All of it, not just the sweet photogenic parts that make us feel sweet photogenic feelings.

There is immense beauty even in the black smoke coming from Gaza.

There is immense beauty even in dead birds.

There is immense beauty even in deforestation.

There is immense beauty even in the whales starving to death with bellies full of plastic.

There is immense beauty even in coal mines.

There is immense beauty even in factory farms.

There is immense beauty even in the seediest parts of town.

There is immense beauty even in the most murderous empire managers.

There is immense beauty even amid the ugliest atrocities.

It’s always there. If you can’t see it, it’s because you’re not looking closely enough. Beauty is just a word for the experience of having truly seen something.

That’s what keeps me going, no matter how ugly things get. Because even in the ugliness, there is immense beauty. Even in the grief. Even in the anger. Even in the waves of sadness. Beauty is always present.

It’s not hard to keep going once you have realized that everything has beauty. No matter how dark things get, you still get to dance this exhilarating dance on this strange little blue marble spinning through space, and you still get to work to make sure that future generations get to dance too.

This work doesn’t have to be miserable. It has to be sorrowful at times, frustrating at times, scary at times, downright enraging at times, but it never needs to be miserable. Learn to perceive the beauty in all that arises and you’ll find not only the will to fight, but a clear reason to keep on fighting for as long as your body draws breath.

Listen to a reading of this article (reading by Tim Foley):

https://www.caitlinjohnst.one/p/how-to-go-on-in-a-world-full-of-cruelty